


Balin Likes Hobbits

by Thorinsmut



Series: Balin and Hobbits [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 05:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorinsmut/pseuds/Thorinsmut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I just had a thought that maybe Balin is attracted to Hobbit lasses, and this came out… it accidentally turned a little bit sad at the end. </p><p>I just think that Balin is kind of cute, and so polite, and maybe he, of any of the Dwarves could tempt a Hobbit girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balin Likes Hobbits

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at http://thorinsmut.tumblr.com/post/40468306256/balin-likes-hobbits

Balin was fond of Hobbits.  
Hobbit lasses, to be specific.  
Now, it was no secret that there were very few Dwarf women. He had long ago given up on attracting one for himself, despite his magnificent beard… and while he found the occasional romp with one of his own sex _energizing_ , he did not wish to pair exclusively with any Dwarf man he’d met yet.  
No, what he’d craved was a plump little lass with a luscious beard, who could set a fine table and knew her way around a forge… but there was none to be had.  
He had never heard of Hobbits until he traveled East toward the Blue Mountains… he had noticed strange little houses here and there in some of the towns of Men, houses that seemed to be about the right size, and built low and in the ground, which was proper – but were likely to have round doors and windows, and be brightly colored.  
He had wondered if there was an unfamiliar line of Dwarves living in these regions, but soon enough his curiosity was answered when he saw his first Hobbit.  
She was… oh, she was beautiful, for all she had no beard. Her hair was long and curly, flowing over her shoulders, and she was plump and round in all the right ways… though the pointy ears and bare hairy feet where distracting.  
She was laughing at something, right there in the marketplace, and she shifted, so that he saw the other side of her, and she was holding the most precious little poppet of a child on her hip…  
Balin suddenly realized that he was standing gaping in the road, and quickly stopped himself from staring… but his curiosity was insatiable. He approached her when it seemed she was not engaged with anything else.  
“Madam.” He said, bowing politely, “What are you?”  
She drew back slightly, confused, instinctively moving to place herself between him and her child, “Excuse me?”  
“You are not Dwarf, or Elf, or Man…” He tried, feeling a little desperate… this was not going well at all… but suddenly she seemed to understand, and she laughed.  
“You’ve never seen a Hobbit before?” she asked, “Where are you from?”  
Balin bowed again, relieved that he had been understood by this beautiful creature, “No, Madam… I am from far to the East, I have never been to these parts before… So, you _Hobbits_ … you are the ones who live in the houses with the round doors?” he mimed a short house and a round door, vaguely aware that he was making a fool of himself… but she threw her head back and laughed again.  
“Yes we are. I’m Lilly, by the way…”  
“Balin son of Fundin, at your service.” Balin bowed a third time, embarrassed that he had not introduced himself before.  
“Well, Balin, you are the most polite Dwarf I ever met.” She looked up at the sky appraisingly, and then nodded, “It’s nearly time for luncheon… would you care to join me and my family?”  
“Far be it from me to turn down food.” he smiled at her, and she handed him her shopping basket, shifting her tiny child onto her other hip, and leading him away.  
He followed her like a lost puppy.  
Balin immediately liked the inside of her home… it was cozy, without the feeling of ridiculous height there was in the dwellings of Men. The roundness of the walls took a little getting used to, but they suited her roundness. She _fit_ in her home.  
Lilly had _many_ children, he could not quite count them all, they were constantly moving everywhere, tumbling over one another and laughing.  
She made him take off his pointy-toed boots to come in, but he did not mind.  
Her husband, who was just as beardless as she was, shook his head at her when he saw who she had brought with her.  
“More strays, Lilly?” he’d asked, and she’d laughed, kissing him.  
“Mr. Balin said he’d never seen a Hobbit before!” she explained, “Might as well give him a good introduction, hmmm?”  
Luncheon had been marvelous… and Balin was pleased to discover that Hobbits expected to eat at least seven solid meals a day.  
By the time he left, kissing her hand and pledging his service to her should she ever need it, he was sure that a Hobbit lass was the way to go. He’d asked, in a roundabout way, he hoped, about where he could find more Hobbits, and had been told where their main population centers were.  
He traveled to those places looking for work and available lasses… while Hobbits sadly lacked beards, and didn’t seem to know much about forging and precious metals, they did set a fine table and they were wonderfully short and round… and two out of four was better than nothing.  
It took him a few years to discover the best way to seduce a Hobbit lass… for a while he had worried his beard would dissuade them all… but soon enough he discovered that excessive politeness, giving of compliments, and gifts of flowers were the way to go about it. It also seemed to help if his clothes were clean and new and he was not visibly well-armed.  
Once he discovered the secret of it, he found that Hobbit lasses were wonderfully free with their favors, affectionate, tender and yielding in their lovemaking, generous to a fault. He grew to love the particular sensitivities of Hobbits – so much so that he worried he would be disappointed in a lover who did not moan and shudder from ear nibbling or melt from a foot massage.  
They were sweet summer creatures, Hobbit lasses. They would not take up with him for more than a few years before they moved on, wanting a family, stability that he could not offer.  
He had considered marrying one, he truly had. Hobbits had families of prodigious size, and he often wondered what it might be like to have a dozen children. He envied their balanced gender ratio – wondered if it might be a good trait to try to bring into the Dwarven lineage… but then he was not sure. Did he truly wish to bring small, short-lived, soft, hairless Dwarves into his family line? Or suppose half-hobbits turned out to be more like Hobbits? Suppose they were just big hairy Hobbits with no desire to mine or craft or fight and only wished to play in the sun and eat?  
So he never dared… and he did not really know if Hobbits and Dwarves were interfertile. He took pains to be sure he did not father any children on accident, but he never knew if the precautions were necessary. He had never heard of a half-Dwarf of any sort… whether it be Hobbit or Man… or even Elf.  
Still, sometimes on a dark and lonely night… he would lay awake and picture it. A sweet plump Hobbit lass, growing into a sweet pudgy Hobbit matron with his children tumbling around her feet, growing into a sweet cuddly Hobbit gammer having a smoke with him on the front porch while they looked after their grandchildren…  
…but he never dared.


End file.
